It's the last days
Jocks think pussIes are ash trays
and artsy-farts have more baggage than Samsonite
those ancient Hamptonites
They're always like, "I can't tonight"
and men who are too beautiful
are too dutiful with theip cuticles
Plus it's like talking to a carpeted cubicle
I was eating food when a dude pseudo-suitable said,

"My rap talk's
the back drop
from laptop
to blacktop
You certainly appear to be mightily stacked op
My iconoclastic rap schtick
gets my jimmy waxed like Chapstick
I think LL Cool J and Canibus are both fantastic
So-called experts
can't see how the text works
so they come through the textures
of italicized excerpts"

Believe me, it sucks
acting impressed
Plus the whole time he rhymed
he stared at my breasts
At best
he was neither ugly nor dumb
I guessed
I'd rearrange the boredom
and make it into bedroom
I said, "Let's go Max like Headroom"
We brought the ruckus like Red Grooms
on the couch where we made out
with my hand on his paunch
He invited me to march
in the Million Sperm Launch
The fun talk stopped
when we heard the front door unlock
His dad made such a Grand entrance, dude,
you'd think we'd need sunblock
At long last he walked past
and let out a calm blast of bombast
but before he could set down he briefcase
I said, "You're a quief-face
Go back to Boston"

When I want some, I get some
I'll wade through the flotsam and jetsam
'til I've met some smart hotties and caught 'em
My parents named me Autumn
but now I'm fricking awesome

Next I took the Express to 86th and Lex
flexed my Metrocard back in my wallet and
walked to the Metropolitan
The Great Hall
had hundreds of boys
straight out of "Eightball"
Wait, Paul
Barman was posted at his station
He said, "For students there's a $5 suggosted donation"
Our eyes met
It's nice to be hypnotized
by a man you don't despise yet
He had a type of flow
and I can't quite label it
All I know
it made me want to take off my cableknit
sweater, oh he better be hetero
I hope they don't catch us in
the Lila Acheson
Wallace Wing when Paulus brings
the mattress in--rudely
He Backlashed my booty
like I was Susan Faludi
over the Grace Rainey Rogers Room rostrum

When I want some, I get some
I'll wade through the flotsam and jetsam
'til I've met some hot smarties and caught 'em
My parents named me Autumn
but now I'm frigging awesome

If I want some, I get some
When I'm lost in the flotsam and jetsam
I'll draw some
L'acoste alligators chasing an opossum

I'm fricking awesome